She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
