found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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