i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
