I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
