can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
