I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
