Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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