I CAN MOONWALK!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
