Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
