Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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