im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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