He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
