Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
