just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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