No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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