you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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