I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
