i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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