I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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