so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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