I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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