He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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