you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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