Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
