it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
