Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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