Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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