I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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