Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
