wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
