Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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