If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
