He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
