i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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