I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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