used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
