I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
