Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
