i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
time to smoke my breakfast
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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