how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize