the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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