isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
