Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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