my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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