Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
