Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
