I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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