I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
