Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
