I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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