Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
