she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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