Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
