my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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