how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
