He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
