Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
