I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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