you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
